Every now and again I stumble upon something truly special on the old Twitter machine. Even less often, I stumble upon something that I feel so strongly about that I simply MUST share it with the world. Today was the latter and I do not use the Must Watch tag lightly.
Seeing as I have watched this viral masterpiece no less than 50 times, I feel qualified to dive into the nitty gritty of the film.
OPEN SCENE
We open with our protagonist, Quinn, on the ropes. Little girl in the yellow has good inside leverage and underneath position and as we know the low man always wins.
A TWIST
Inexplicably, yellow shirt girl with a stupid name that sounds like maverick forfeits her dominant position and despite her low center of gravity she is clearly fucked at this point. And what’s this? A baby crawls on in from stage right and adds another wrinkle.
A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS
After vanquishing little big bird, our hero senses a new threat and turns to face it with laser focus. Quinn knows what must be done.
THE MOMENT OF RECKONING
Hang this shot in the fucking Louvre. The consequences of Quinn’s actions loom heavily, but her mind is made up. That baby has simply got to go and the lord above in heaven praise be his name must have given her this large inflatable baby whacker for a purpose. Fulfill your destiny Quinn!
THE DEED IS DONE
Quinn looks down on her handiwork, staring at the flailing ragdoll baby flop his useless ass right into the depths of the foam pit. The baby was never seen again and rumor has it he just belongs to the foam now. In the end, this was a legitimately perfect viral video and I’m just happy I got to share it with my pals.
