You’re favorite unkle is back with some week 2 NFL winners after a brutal Week 1 going 1-4. Don’t get used to weeks like that. Shit happens, we all have our day’s and last Sunday certainly was one of em. Let’s cut the shit. I win. I’m a winner and if you follow me into the bed of roses, feel free to pick yourself a few. Let’s get it going:

Ravens -13 

This line jumps out at you when you look at it. 13 is a lot of points to lay no matter what two teams are playing. Vegas may be jumping the gun a little bit laying 13 points in favor of the Ravens after their dismantling of that team down in Florida, but I don’t think so. This isn’t my appraisal of Lamar Jackson, but more my loathing towards Kliff Kingsbury. Did Steve Keim forget that this guy was an inadequate college football head coach? Texas Tech fired him last year and he gets rewarded with a head coaching job? Does that make sense? Sometimes I wonder if I can do a better job than some of these moranic GMs that owner’s put their trust in to make decisions for their football team. Back to the Ravens, they are a very well-constructed team, have a top 5 defense, the offense looked electric last week, its their home opener, yada yada yada. All these reasons make me feel comfortable backing them -13. Cardinals are a very poorly run organization and I think Kyler Murray and Kliff Kingsbury are in for their first welcome to the league moment when they enter enemy territory Sunday at 1. Ravens 38 Cardinals 13. BOOK IT.

Cowboys -5

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

I hate doing this. Not only do I hate Mookie’s Cowboys, but having to confide my confidence and cheer for them to win me money seems like bad juju. With that being said, Cowboys -5 against the R Words is almost too good to pass up and I like free money. I figure this is a win-win situation as an Eagles fan. If the Cowboys don’t cover, and hopefully lose, they’re frauds; if the Cowboys do cover, ya boy wins some cash. Dallas has one of the more underrated defenses in the league and Dak is trying to get paid so he and his buddy, NoseRing-Zeke, can afford more dildo’s. The R Words came out strong in the first half against my Eagles but got exposed in the Second half. I expect that to continue as Dallas rolls into town. I hate to say it, but the Cowboys are legit and it’s gonna be a bloodbath to see who takes home the NFC East crown. Congrats Mook! I said some nice things about your team! See you Week 7 in Jerry’s World 😉

Chiefs/Raiders o53.5

The total is high but fuck it I’m taking it anyway. This game will be a fun one. Chiefs will always put up points, but the reason why I like this over is because of how Derek Carr and his eyeliner looked last week against Denver. People forget this guy was a rising star in this league before he had that shoulder injury. The last two years have been rough for him but he looked like his old self last week. Also, the Kansas City D doesn’t get me hard and the Denver D gives me a mini-chub after a few IPAs, and Carr had success against them. Expect Carr to do whatever he wants this week against an easier opponent (on the defensive side). Mahomes will get his, and the Oakland offense will put up enough points to make this over cash in. 

Bears -3

Don’t overthink this. The Broncos are complete and total rubbish. Joe Flacco is not a good quarterback and he never was. The Bears defense is gonna eat him alive. I’d be surprised if they put up more than 13 pts in this one. Even though the Bears offense looked worse last week than OJ Simpson giving character advice on twitter, they aren’t that bad. Mitch, sorry Mitchell, Trubisky bounces back and the Bears win this game 27-10. 

Saints/Rams o53.5

Everyone is gonna bet the Saints here expecting them to get revenge on that horrendous call they’ve been bitching about all offseason and even into this season (many Saints fans wore ref uniforms to their week 1 game which I gotta say, the New Orleans fans may be the softest fan base in the NFL). And with that being said, it wouldn’t totally shock me if they get that revenge, but Jared Goff is an elite quarterback at home (which is weird because the Rams have no fans) and betting against him makes me queasy. I feel a lot better just taking the over. This game will provide a lot of fireworks and I expect points points points and some more points. Both defenses are average at best and both possess glorified offenses. Again, this is another high total but I expect it to hit with ease. LOCK IT UP.

Some other games I like:

Colts +3

Texans/Jaguars u43.5

Chargers/Lions o47.5

Steelers -3.5

That’s all I got. Football is bach. Let’s all raise a glass to that!

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