If you haven’t seen this Hunger Games map of the US floating around Twitter by now, get with the program.

I’m here to give some insight on who wins it and why. I’m imagining this as a full on war scenario compared to the traditional two rep system in Hunger Games because that’s more fun for me and its my blog. Let’s even throw in some lines for shits and gigs. So let’s get down to brass tacks and figure out who wins this.

The Pretenders

Region 4: +1200

Come on. I’ll give this region a little bit of ability to cause some low-level damage in the grand scheme of things because of Chicago, but what the HELL are the fellas in Iowa (Corn Boy, care to give your two cents?), Nebraska and the Dakotas up to besides getting piss drunk year-round and farming? My answer: nothing good, and this region is the first to wave the white flag.

Region 2: +1000

Known for its rain, vast wilderness, potatoes and Russell Wilson, Region 2 lacks the heart needed to really make a run for this title. Ever since Josh Allen left Wyoming I honestly forgot it was even a state, and over in Oregon they’re just inventing more Nike apparel and watching Portland get completely taken over by Antifa. They don’t bring much to the table, but they’re farther away from the heavy hitters so they’ll last longer than our friends in 4.

The Contenders

Region 1: +220

This region has a little bit of everything and I really like what I see. From the Air Force Academy in Colorado, to that famous Mormon tenacity in Utah, to the tech genius in North Cali, the northern half of this region really packs a punch. LA and Vegas highlight the southern half that also includes possibly the biggest wild card of this whole tournament, Area 51. I don’t know what kind of mysteries lie in there, but I intend to find out. (Please don’t come for me CIA)

Region 3: +250

It is guns and white trash galore down here in Region 3. One might argue that is a recipe for success in this format, but I see some underlying factors that would go against that point. On the plus side, big cities like Dallas, Houston, Atlanta and Miami riddle this region giving it a lot to work with. But there’s always that thought that Florida Man or someone else from down in SEC yee-haw country is gonna have a fuck-up of epic proportions that leads to the downfall of this whole region.

The Winner

Region 5: -120

I don’t really know what there is for me to say about this region besides highlighting the winning culture here. NYC, Boston, Philly, DC, Baltimore, Detroit, Pittsburgh. That should be my whole explanation right there but I’ll go on. The Naval Academy in Annapolis, West Point, Norfolk Naval Base, the creatures of New Jersey. This is a loaded region both population-wise and infrastructure-wise and I see them getting the job done relatively easily.