Poz has really gotten my juices flowing with all his summer talk so I’m gonna keep that train rolling into one of summer’s most treasured treats, the White Claw.
The White Claw is really quite extraordinary. Coming in at 5% ABV, they act like a beer, but without the feeling of having eaten an entire loaf of bread to get drunk. The OG flavors of Black Cherry, Natural Lime, Ruby Red Grapefruit and Raspberry still hit the spot, but only casuals aren’t hip to the flavor pack 2.0. Mango was released as the single before the album, but Lemon, Tangerine and Watermelon really brought it home.
Throughout my journeys and especially now as I sit in quarantine, I’ve done enough research on these beautiful drinks to be able to definitively rank them. So without further adieu, let’s see how my very advanced palate lines up with yours.
#9: Ruby Red Grapefruit
Grapefruit is the worst flavor of anything, and unless you’re my mom, I would hope you’d tend to agree with that. I’ve never once heard anyone say “yeah I’m gonna have this grapefruit as a snack” and rightfully so. It’s way too bitter of a taste and that doesn’t bode well to mix with alcohol not named tequila.
This is here just as a simple “fuck you” to grapefruit. I’ve never had the Pure flavor and I never will. I imagine it tastes like a vodka soda that you put down at the bar for way too long and all the ice melted, which doesn’t tickle my fancy.
I’m sure this one is gonna ruffle some feathers as I know a lot of people are in love with the mango flavor. I find that inexcusable because I really think it tastes like soap. I’m a big fan of mangoes in fruit form, especially dried mangoes, but this drink is something I could happily live without.
#6: Natural Lime
From here on out, these are the flavors that I actually really like, but this is a ranking for a reason. Lime is really slept on and I think it tastes a lot like a regular non-alcoholic seltzer. That being said, it’s still second to last on my list of the four citrus flavors (fuck you again grapefruit.)
The first of the true newest flavor pack comes in at the five spot. I was really hoping for an orange-ish flavored one somewhere down the line, and the tangerine definitely delivered. Tangerine isn’t something you see a lot of things flavored after so it’s pretty unique while still having a good, familiar taste.
Lemon-flavored things I usually try to steer clear from, but this one is damn good. If they made packs of just lemon, I’d crush them all summer with no qualms. It does have a hint of that Lemon Pledge flavor which brings it to its rank, but reminds me of a good, clean vodka soda.
The raspberry Claw is so undervalued its almost criminal. It’s my Cinderella story, 2006 George Mason Final Four team; and I’m riding this underdog wave until I drop. If you say you don’t like this one, you’re lying to me and more importantly, you’re lying to yourself.
This one caught my eye right away because watermelon and summer go together like the girl I’m talking to and other dudes at the bar. I was skeptical because no other seltzer brand had tried to tackle it before, and man did this pay off for White Claw. To put it bluntly, its fucking unreal. Don’t believe me? Go try it for yourself.
#1: Black Cherry
Pretty much knew this one was coming, huh? It truly is the cream of the crop (anyone know what that even means?) when it comes to the seltzer world, dare I even say the alcoholic beverage world. Say I’m basic, say this blog was a waste of time to read, whatever. I’m yet to hear one person say that black cherry isn’t their favorite and that’s for a reason. It delicious, and if you were to sell these in a 30-rack, they would fly off the shelves. CC: @WhiteClaw
Think I’m wrong? Just want to praise me for how good these rankings are? Know where ‘cream of the crop’ comes from? Give me a shout on Twitter @Jake_From_SFarm.