I’m a simple man. 

Simple in the sense that I’m relatively clueless as I navigate through life, but also in that I enjoy the little things in life. 

A nice cold beer after a hard day at work never hurt anyone. I like sit back and throw on some NBA to watch Ben Simmons refuse to shoot the ball in what I imagine is a protest against the callers on WIP and that crazy old man Angelo Caltaldi. I’m a meat and potatoes type of guy. 

All I ask is that my much needed electrolytes come from a reliable and refreshing choice.

So you could imagine when my dad showed up from the grocery store with a rack of blue G2 tucked under his arm I wasn’t pleased….During a pandemic nonetheless! 

Listen, I’m a reasonable man so I tried not to make a big fuss about this. Not to mention, I’m an athlete who regularly engages in fast-pace dynamic training sessions, so as you could imagine my body constantly craves replenishment. Just because my intramural softball league was cancelled after the first game and I struck out twice doesn’t mean my season ends. 

What is the purpose of G2 anyway? In all seriousness, if you’re in a position where you actually require the assistance of Gatorade in its intended use, an extra teaspoon of sugar shouldn’t make a riveting difference. G2 guys are like diet coke guys. Nice self-discipline securing the healthy drink alternative to wash down your McDonald’s fries and the Big Mac that you’re going to throw out before your wife see’s. Gluttony should be a feature worn with pride- don’t hide under your diet’s and your lite’s and your 2’s…

I must admit however, I’d be lying if I was completely innocent. 

I come from a Powerade family. 

I know. I’m ashamed too.

It pains me to even say it. For whatever reason the fridges of house Pani have always been stocked with America’s second favorite sport-nutrition-but-really-just-for-hangovers beverage. The smell of red powerade still makes me question the integrity of my parents and of my older brother who cluelessly preferred it over the big G. 

What a life of misery that I lived where I’m coerced into drinking Powerade and G2. It’s literally called 2, as in the second option, as in if regular Gatorade no longer exists and the world is coming to an abrupt end and the ice caps melt and the only thing left to drink is G2 I might take a swigski..or I might die.

It somehow has half the sugar of the og version but tastes like when the goofball at football practice purposefully dumped way too much powder into those giant orange jugs. It’s a scam if you ask me and I probably won’t be speaking to my dad for the remainder of my quarantine, and possibly beyond.



Gatorade Flavor’s Ranked: Pani’s Big Top 5

1- Fierce Grape

2. Orange

3. Citrus Cooler

4. Frost

5. Yellow

999999. Whatever the hell this white devil liquid is.

Gatorade, Frost Glacier Cherry, 32 oz Sports Drinks | Meijer ...