Oops, did I say 10? I meant 15…
15. Bobby Flay
Although he never slept with Mrs. Gold, he’s still a cuck, and Ari could tell that wasn’t his wife’s cooking he was smelling. Fuck Bobby Flay. He’s a red-headed fire crotch… a genetic mistake!
14. Johnny Galecki
The Big Bang Theory sucks and Galecki was a douche. He’s definitely not cool enough to pull of the t-shirt/blazer look and the way he arrogantly ate that green apple pissed me off.
13. Amanda Daniels
Amanda Daniels had a fall from grace. For a second there, she was alright. An agent that fucks and then shares a j with you in the tub doesn’t sound too bad, but after losing Vince as a client she became one salty bitch.
Watching her swipe her desk clean in anger after Ari tells her he’ll take the studio position out of spite was very satisfying.
12. Verner Vollstedt
Verner was a prick. He thought Vince was a shitty actor and gave all his lines to Jason Patric unbeknownst to him, and eventually fired him, which led to the demise of Smokejumpers. The scene of him storming into John Ellis’ office to “Du Hast” was pretty badass tho.
11. Marcie (Ari’s Sister-in-Law)
Face. voice. yikes.
10. Doug Ellin
Now, Doug Ellin is actually the creator of Entourage. So, thank you Doug.
But his cameos in the show were as an arrogant producer for lowly TV shows. Whenever Drama walked into an audition and you saw Doug’s face, you knew there would be an ensuing meltdown.
9. Branden Williams
Another rather obscure one, but Branden Williams was a co-star of Drama’s on Five Towns. He treated him like shit and made him cry on the View!
8. Andrew “Dice” Clay
I’ve never seen his stand-up, so I have no nostalgic ties to Dice, but I just didn’t see his charm. I thought he was annoying, and he almost threw away a career-turner in Johnny Bananas away for Drama.
In the end, you feel a little bad for Dom as he loses his family and gets sent back to prison, but he sucked. He almost fucked up Vince’s career by stealing the Shrek doll, and was rewarded with Turtle’s yellow hummer for it! I can still hear that disgusting snorting noise he makes with his finger in his ear.
6. Max Ballard
Fuuuck this little shit. I was pumped when Ari shipped him out of the country by pawning him off as, “Dakota fanning with a dick.”
5. Dan Coakley
Coakley was a huge dick. He tries to fuck Jaime, and then tortures Johnny after he chokes him over it by putting his character through hell. Only to get big-dicked by Ari and let Drama walk off Five Towns because Ari can get him into a desirable country club. Not so tough after all, huh Coakley?
4. Seth Green
First of all, is that the worst spray tan of all time? That is the worst spray tan of all time. Seth Green and his knock-off entourage are just that, losers. After repeatedly telling E to tell Sloan he said what up, the boys finally fuck him up after being called the “we-don’t-drink-jaeger crew.” He also gets punched in the face a few seasons later by Bow Wow which was dope.
3. Allen Gray
All bridges with the studio were burned for some time after the Medellin/AquaMan 2 debacle, thanks in large to Allen Gray being a scumbag.
Allen had himself a pretty dark ending, but when you find yourself pumping your fist as a man dies of a heart attack, as I did, its a tell-tale sign he was a pretty shitty guy. Even Vince upon hearing the news says its terrible, but as Drama replies, “Is it bro?”
2. Adam Davies
Adam Davies was somewhat of an Ari Gold protege on the rise, but much scummier. He ratted on Ari to Terrence in the early seasons and continued to be a slimeball throughout the show. This did however allow for two of the most satisfying scenes of the series, pictured above: Ari giving him “a bitchslap for a bitch,” and absolutely lighting him up with the infamous paintball gun.
Aaand drumroll please…
— owen roeder (@OwenRoeder) April 30, 2020
Oh my god Ashley was the fucking wooorst. She shows up at the premier unannounced, breaks E’s french press, stays in his bed until 3 in the goddamn afternoon, shits on Charlie and E’s pilot, goes through his phone, and is just an overall psycho bitch. Their final breakup scene at the restaurant makes my skin crawl. Ashley was simply the worst.
Well, there’s my list.
Who else should be on here? Who was I too harsh on? Let me know what you think…