The comeback of the 2020 NBA season is kind of like when your long distance girlfriend says she’s gonna come visit you in a month or so – you’re super excited to finally get your rocks off, but that waiting period is going to be one of the longest months of your life. That being said, I’m fucking PUMPED to see some roundball again. As much fun as horseracing is, I’m not sure how much longer I can continue living with that being the only live sports on television – so needless to say, I will be firmly cemented on the edge of my seat until the NBA kicks off again on July 30th.

I’m sure many of you have seen the format of said return, with 22 total teams being asked to come back (13 from the West, 9 from the East), and maybe you were just as confused as I was when I tried to figure out the thought process for the selections. Since I am a world-renowned hoops writer, I tried to take a stab at why these specific teams were chosen over some of the others who (possibly?) could be deserving of a spot.


Western Conference

First 7 seeds – Lakers, Clippers, Nuggets, Jazz, Thunder, Rockets, Mavericks

Honestly, these teams seem fairly obvious to me. The Mavericks are 7 games ahead of the next lowest seed, and since there are only going to be 8 play-in games, these 7 seeds seem to be fairly locked in to playoff contention. However, I’m pretty excited to see just how the top of the division shakes out, especially since Jokic just had a transformation a-la “The Biggest Loser”. I honestly think his “power” was in his just absurd fatness and I don’t think he’ll be the same player now that he can’t just be a huge body that gets in the way defensively. Granted, he was never that good at defense to begin with, but it’s damn near impossible to move a 320 pound man no matter how athletic you are.


Bottom 6 seeds – Grizzlies, Trail Blazers, Pelicans, Kings, Spurs, Suns

The Grit-N-Grind Grizz are almost a no-brainer here. They’re the current 8 seed in the West and have some of the most exciting young players in the game today in Ja Morant and Jaren Jackson Jr. – Adam Silver would be a village fool if he didn’t include this team in the restart. The Grizz are going to get some major eyes on them with their young guns competing night in and night out to keep their spot in the playoffs locked up. Expect to see Ja dunk somebody into the Earth’s core at least twice before the postseason starts.

The Trail Blazers are in a similar spot to the Grizzlies, except for the fact that their team is a little more established and has some bigger names. They currently stand 3 games back of Memphis for the 8 seed, but we all know what happens when you give Dame Dolla some kind of chip on his shoulder. Seriously, the man is the Baker Mayfield of the NBA – always talking about how people are doubting him and shit. Don’t twist my words at all, I love Dame, it just always seems like he’s bitching to the media about some sort of disrespect going on.

The Pelicans were picked because of two words: Zion. Williamson. This man is going to light up the national stage – that is, if he hasn’t gained 43 pounds from not exercising during quarantine like many NBA players. Each and every Pelicans game in the restart is going to get tens of millions of viewers, all to see this athletic freak propel his 275 pound frame 48 inches into the air and end at least one life at the rim.

To be quite frank with you, I have no fucking clue why the Kings are here. They really stink. Like I-left-milk-out-for-a-week-in-the-summer stink. Yeah, my baby boy De’Aaron Fox is incredible, but the rest of the team probably couldn’t make any other NBA roster (well maybe the Knicks). Flat out, this team is bad and I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t win a single game when the season comes back. Just move them to Seattle already and get it over with.

I also have no idea why the Spurs were included in this selection. I get that they’re a big name franchise who’s had a lot of success in the past, but that is well behind them my friend. In all honesty, do you really wanna watch Lamarcus Aldridge and Demar Derozan (aka guard Lamarcus Aldridge) hoist contested 17 footers all game? Neither do I. Needless to say, I will not be tuning in to any Spurs games when they get back on national TV.

The Suns are kind of interesting here to me – they have a similar deal as the Grizzlies, as Devin Booker and DeAndre Ayton look like they’re going to be very good players in the league for a long time to come, and they’re only 6.5 games back of the 8 seed Memphis Grizzlies. If they can win a couple games off of the back of the electric Devin Booker, the Suns might actually make the playoffs for the first time in 10 years.


Eastern Conference

First 6 seeds – Bucks, Raptors, Celtics, Heat, Pacers, 76ers

This is a lot like the Western conference in that the top 6 teams are essentially locked in to the playoffs – the Philly Scumbags are 9 games ahead of the 7 seed Brooklyn Nets, and without Durant and Kyrie, I just don’t see the Nets making any sort of splash. I’m most excited to see my Celtics run off a couple good series before that Greek lab baby puts them to bed faster than McGregor did to Aldo. The Bucks are probably gonna dominate this restart, but a man can dream can’t he?


Bottom 3 seeds – Nets, Magic, Wizards

I get that they tried to make it as even as possible, but did these 3 teams REALLY need to make it? None of these teams have really any market value, so I don’t imagine their games breaking any viewership records, and other than the Wizards, none of these teams really have any big names. Durant and Kyrie have been declared out at second by the GM/umpire, and who the fuck in their right mind is turning on a basketball game specifically to watch Aaron Gordon and Jonothan Isaac? Lunatics, that’s who. These teams are all within a couple games of each other so I suppose that could add to some excitement in their games? The selection of these three really doesn’t baffle me, I just frankly couldn’t give less of a fuck as to what happens to them in the restart. 


Well, I hope that sort of cleared some things up for y’all with this whole Kickstart My League thing that the NBA is trying to do (s/o to one of the GOATs Motley Crue). If you disagree with my thought processes or just wanna know how I got there, hit me on Twitter @yunasdro and we can kick some game.