Leave it in the Lobby: Unearthing the Bizarre World of Xbox Messagers

Video-games are frustrating.

Games in which you compete against real people online can be dramatically more frustrating. We take pride in our skills and our integrity out there on those computerized war-zones, fields, and “pitches” as the Brits say.

I’ve collected a handful of messages from some friendly folks on the xbox servers that I will share with you. Some of them I cannot show you because they are unfit for my audience, some containing very questionable and vulgar verbiage over the state of my sexual preferences, others about certain acts that my mother has supposedly committed. The gaming community has been known to be a toxic one. The strength of anonymity paired with commercialized violence and people who think their skill in a sports video game somehow makes them a traditional athlete is a dangerous thing.

I’m no saint myself. I have responded to few of these soldiers and have tried to belittle their anger and frustration that they’ve seemingly misplaced onto my shoulders. Why don’t I be the bigger man? Because I’m a child.

I do think it’s utterly preposterous to be so enraged at a video-game to message someone after and talk shit. It just is. I’ve been pissed off because of something another player did or because I lost a game that I thought I deserved to win, but never in a million years would I message that person to spew my displeasure. It honestly just leaves you open for snarky sailors like me to condescend you.

Anyways, here a few funny ones that I enjoyed.

This guy must have been kicking my ass in FIFA and wanted me to just quit to save us both some time. I honestly don’t mind this guy’s move. He probably figured it was worth a shot, and if he hadn’t sent this message, I more than likely would have quit. Once you tell me to bend the knee however, you’re in for the longest, most boring game of your life young man.

This was back in my Fortnite days. Was I “a bot”? Surely. I suck at all these games, but that’s not the point. FIFA is one thing. If you lose like a 20 minute game 1v1 against someone I get the anger there. But Fortnite? Are you outside of your mind??–to quote Stanley Hudson. As for Fortnite and it’s traditional clientele, this was probably like a 10 year old kid or at least for his/her sake, I hope it was.

I like this guy’s energy. I hit him with the “pal” and he hit me right back. He also threatened to deliver a message to EA sports because I was apparently making his players move in a certain way. I still haven’t gotten anything from EA in the mail, but I’ll keep my followers updated. I’m expecting a C & D any-day now. Also, I don’t really remember what happened here but I may have quit the game midway through to get my uber eats or something.

I like to imagine that this guy is not from Cameroon nor does he have any sort of ties to it. He simply didn’t agree with my style of play and felt the need to shame me for wearing the jersey. I decided not to respond to this guy because I just didn’t even know what to say. He’s probably right.

It’s not all bad on Xbox though. There are some friendly people out there just looking for someone to play games with……..or potentially more than that?