Well, the NBA is officially returning tomorrow, thanks to their infamous bubble system that has proven to be flawless unless you want some lemon pepper wings or to see some strippers work their 9 to 5 (shoutout to Richaun Holmes and Lou Will, respectively). With many players opting out or just coming on to the scene, the rest of the 2020 NBA season looks to be up in the air. If you’re a degenerate like myself, you should be chomping at the bit to possibly cash out on some high value futures that could very well hit. So without further ado, I, Tyler James Hndrxx present my best future bets for the NBA bubble:

 

NBA Champion

Boston Celtics (+1500)

Led by young studs Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown, this Celtics team won 43 out of the 64 games played so far this year, while allowing a league second-best 106.8 points a game on the second-best field goal percentage of 38.3%. Defense goes a long way in the NBA playoffs, as we saw 2 years ago with the Houston Rockets forgetting that the ball is supposed to go IN the basket, not hit every single part of the rim (unless you’re Kahwi Leonard, then you can hit every part of the entire hoop and simultaneously break the hearts of Philadelphia fans everywhere). But I digress, while this Celtics team has struggled offensively in the intrasquad scrimmages over the past couple weeks, their defense has seen no drop off whatsoever. For Christ’s sake they lost a game 92-80 to the Thunder. 92 points in today’s run and gun NBA is basically equivalent to like 40 points just 20 short years ago. The Celtics’ defense WILL carry them far into the playoffs, and with a +1500 payout, why not gamble one of our friends Lincoln or Hamilton on that.

Houston Rockets (+1400)

Just the polar opposite of the spectrum here. The Houston Rockets turn into matadors on defense, just letting everything blow right past them. Their offense, however, is quite extraordinary. James Harder literally leads the league in every scoring category, and the team as a whole has the second highest scoring offense in the league at 119 points a contest. Not to mention Russell Westbrook has officially been cured of the corona, and God FORBID that man gets another chip in his shoulder. Russ, Baker Mayfield, and Michaelangelo’s David are in a neck and neck race to see who can accumulate the most chips on their body during their lifetime. The Rockets also take the most 3’s in the league BY FAR, at around 44(!!) attempts from downtown per contest, and I can only imagine there won’t be a repeat of 2018 in the bubble, as the lack of a crowd atmosphere has been proven to be better for a shooter’s confidence. If this line is anywhere over +1000, put your bank account on it. The next stimulus check should cover for it anyway.

Denver Nuggets (+3000)

I’m not all the way bought in on this Bol Bol character. He’s good and all, don’t get me wrong there, but I’m not sure how that 7’2” 120 pound frame is going to hold up when he’s got dudes like Lebron James charging at him in the second round. That being said, I think the Nuggets ginormous roster is going to benefit them heftily in the quarantined quarter-season. The other day they had 7 footer Nikola Jokic running POINT GUARD, with 7’2” Bol^2 running SMALL forward, and 7 footer Mason Plumlee as their traditional center. There’s like maybe 2 teams that could compete with that kind of size, and the Nuggets probably won’t run into them until the conference finals or the NBA finals. I could easily see them picking up some momentum early in the playoffs and surprising a whole lot of teams in the later rounds. And at +3000? Why not test your luck. 

 

Most Valuable Player

Lebron James (+650)

Maybe my bias for the best basketball player to ever exist is showing here, but I know I’m not alone in thinking that the Lakers are the best team in the association right now. I also think that giving the closest thing we will ever see to The Terminator 4 months of rest in a time of his life when rest is crucial is bad bad BAD news for the rest of the league. Look for Lebron to absolutely TEAR up the postseason while playing somewhere around 47.6 minutes a game. If the Lakers hoist the Larry O’Brien trophy at the end of this campaign, look for their leader and best player to be hoisting the Maurice Polodoff trophy as well. 

James Harden (+5000)

See above about what I said about the Rockets – they have a legitimate shot to win the title this year, and they’re essentially being backpacked by their 2nd tallest player and point guard. Hate on The Beard all you want, he’s one of the best all around offensive players that the league has ever seen, and I don’t think that’s gonna change in the slightest when the season resumes. If you follow my advice and throw some change on the Rockets to win the title, it’s just foolish and frankly dumb to not also take their best player to win the MVP, but that’s just my thought process.

 

In my humble opinion, these are the best value picks going into the NBA bubble. I think all of them have a better shot than Lee Harvey Oswald had at JFK on that summer day in Dallas back in 1967 (there was more than one assassin, wake up sheeple). Toss a little, toss a lot, frankly I don’t care. Just don’t come crying to me if any of them don’t hit cuz like I said, they’re value picks. Hit my twitter @yunasdro if you think I missed anything, or have a bet that you think you like.

Tyler Allen
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