It’s been a very tough couple of months for Philadelphians. First the Sixers lost Ben Simmons to injury in the bubble, which then evolved into us getting swept by Boston. Then the Flyers, the city’s brightest hope, dropped a complete stinker in Game 7 against the Islanders. The Phillies… I can’t even speak about that atrocity without giving myself a brain aneurysm, and now we have the Eagles reverting back to mentally crushing the city every Sunday.

Things are bleak right now in the 215. We’ve certainly had better times in the city, but listen up, it could be a whole lot worse. We could have these dumpster fire teams in our franchise wheelhouse.

Chicago Bulls

Besides the 90’s Bulls, the city of Chicago has suffered mightily because of the Bulls. With the exception of the D-Rose and Jimmy Butler era Bulls, they’ve been abysmal since the Jordan glory days. Their best players are Zack LaVine and Coby White. No offense to those guys, but you’re not gonna win games with them as your top options.

LA Angels

Imagine having the best player in baseball and finishing last in your division every year… The Phillies at least give us a 3rd place NL East finish.

Every Canadian NHL Team

The last time a Canadian team won a Cup was in the ’92-93 season by Montreal. The real horror is the Toronto Maple Leafs though. They haven’t won a Stanley Cup since 1967… that’s 48 years. Granted the Flyers haven’t done much since the 70’s but at least there’s someone worse than us. Even worse than Toronto is Ottawa. Their owner is a bozo, and since their ECF appearances just 3 years ago they’ve been on a downward spiral. Tough break, eh?

Any Minnesota Team

Let’s take a deep dive into Minnesota sports. The Twins have lost 18 straight playoff games, the Timberwolves are a perennial loser, the Wild are a disgrace that somehow is the pro team in the biggest hockey state in the country, and to top it all of your quarterback is Kirk Cousins…. Let’s count our blessings and be grateful for that my fellow Philadelphians.

New York Mets/Yankees/Jets/Giants/Knicks

I mean how atrocious and overrated is every New York team? I know the Yankees are extremely talented, but they are afraid of postseason baseball. Their crosstown rival has monumental breakdowns just about every game despite having some of the best arms in baseball. If you combined the best players from the Jets and Giants to form one New York team they’d still be trash. And as we all know the Knicks signed Lamar Odom when he was on crack. Maybe the Nets will be able to save that place.

Detroit

We could be Detroit, but thank GOD we aren’t.

Hey would ya look at that, we aren’t that bad when we think about it huh Philly? Let’s be thankful we don’t carry the burden of being total losers like those other dumpster fire franchises.