We’re all familiar with the paradox “which came first: the chicken or the egg?” It’s a question that philosophers and biologists have pondered for centuries. In reality, it’s impossible for us to know this, and we probably never will know. That’s what’s most intriguing about this predicament, there is no way to find out, it’s like we’re in some Christopher Nolan poultry fantasy.

Thus, I retire from such explorations into shelled embryos, and focus on a real societal phenomena that must have tangible origins.

My question: Why is a pickle called a pickle? Was a pickle the first thing to ever be pickled? Was it the most popular thing to be pickled?

If you’re not familiar with the process of pickling, it usually entails fermenting some sort of food in a vinegar, salt-based brine to not only preserve food, but add flavor. Apparently it dates a fug-ton back but nowhere have I read why exactly pickles are pickles and pickled eggs are pickled eggs. Is it maybe because pickled eggs are revolting and for old men who still use a handkerchief? Maybe it is.

Either way, I love a good pickle. Not the sweet pickles though. Sweet pickles are for the birds and I’m not talking about the Vlasic stork. But if we as a society are going to decide to make one thing be the representative for the pickling process, we landed on cucumbers? really? Who likes a cucumber?

Vlasic Pickles - A child-bearing stork was introduced as a mascot in 1974,  merging the stork baby mythology with the notion… | Vlasic, Vlasic pickles,  Cool cartoons

It is pretty minding-boggling to me that one of the foods prepared in this certain way can encapsulate an entire preparation of food. That would be like fried chicken just being called “fry.” Then how would we know if someone was talking about a french fry or a chicken fry. Or Burger King’s Chicken Fries (which are apparently back, didn’t know they left.)

Burger King Chicken Fries Release Date - Business Insider

Verdict: I don’t want anything to do with any foods pickled unless they’re pickles.