Folks, it’s been a hot minute. With CFB season coming to a close, I plan to focus more on blogging during the offseason so thought I’d start out with one my first, of hopefully many, series of Podium Stand. Trying to come up with some clever moniker, I came up with quite possibly the most bland “theme” of all time. With the likes of “Power Rankings”, “Draft Board, Rankings”, “Rushmore”, etc. taken, my selection was limited, so here we are. Hope you enjoy, and please let me know what I can name this instead in case you have any knee slappers of your own.
PODIUM STAND – PIZZA EDITION
I’m almost a year into my tenure at Bookies Basement and I’ve noticed we have quite the collection of minds within this chain. Old and young, East Coast/Southwestern/Midwestern, all dudes (sup?), and an overall appreciation for the occasional hot take. This brings me to today’s topic. Pizza has caused, for me personally, the most passionate of takes as I feel as each demographic in America believes their domain to have THE BEST pizza in the country. I’m here to settle that once and for all with my 1st through 5th place winners, I don’t make the rules, I just judge the best pizza. Without further ado, your 5th place winner….
Margherita Pizza – 5th place
Nothing screams, “I’m a basic bitch” than ordering a Margherita pizza for the table. I mean, you’re going out to spend money and have fun, and that’s what this pizza is all about. It’s draft comparison (to stay somewhat relevant with CFB) would be OBJ out of LSU. Lots of flash, can show moments of promise, but at the end of the day you’re still just a cheese pizza with leaves on it.
Meat Lovers Pizza – 4th place
Can’t decide, wanna sit on your couch and watch 7 hours of commercial free football, need grease for your violently brutal hangover you’re suffering. Look no further my friend, Meat Lovers pizza is for you. It’s a heart attack/heartburn doused in cheese and baked in some floury ass dough, it gets the people going. That being said, there are some downfalls to this pizza as mentioned above, but it is always good to knock you out for a solid 30-45 minute nap each time. Draft comparison would closely align with Ben Roethlisberger, a solid player that can lead the way, however, also gets injured alot and can’t be trusted alone in bathrooms with other people at the bars.
Pepperoni Pizza – 3rd place (BRONZE)
The OG, featured in movies, shows, classy, bougie, ratchet. All features I want to see in my pizza if I’m looking for a solid choice, that never disappoints, however, never really excites the crowd. Defense wins championships, but Offense sells tickets folks. Here in the Midwest we have a gas station that sells these by the slice (Shoutout Sport/Casey’s General Store) and they are just absolute money on a road trip, quick lunch break from work, etc. Draft comparison would be Brian Urlacher from the University of New Mexico. An above average player that never wanted the spotlight, unless it’s on a billboard in Chicago selling hair loss products, and always felt like he put the team on his back. Building your team around this pizza is a way to ensure consistency in the organization.
Cheese Pizza – 2nd place (SILVER)
Cheese pizza, the pizza too cool for school. Like, I don’t need any toppings, I’m not “extra”, and I’ll still taste amazing. It’s pretty hard to fuck up a cheese pizza so preparation is not really a factor in Cheese pizza’s pregame routine, that pizza is the definition of calm, cool, and collected. Usually the quickest pizza to make from both a cooking and prep perspective, and has all the essentials. When your in a large group of individuals and want to make sure the collective group is satisfied, Cheese pizza gets the job done. I could go on for days about the great qualities of this creation, but for a Draft Comparison, this is without a doubt – Randy Moss from Marshall. This pizza is not only a game changer, can fit into any organizations rotation and be an automatic WR1 out the gates.
Taco (aka Bean) Pizza – 1st place (GOLD)
Was there ever really a question on this one? No one has been more unanimously taken #1 since our Draft Comparison, Peyton Manning out of Tennessee. This is the first pizza you have in the morning, and the last one before you go to bed at night, never sleeps on you. This pizza is articulate and accurate as they come, the way the toppings hit your tastebuds, the different layers of orgasmic ingredients your mouth goes through, and lets not forget, overall extremely healthy to add to your diet. This pizza is a natural born leader, ready to take on the most important position in all pizzerias, the general (manager).
Hope you enjoyed this stand folks, will continue throughout the year whether you like it or not.
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- YB’s Podium Stand : Pizza Edition - December 7, 2021
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